Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Know It All

I've always had a healthy ego. I like to think I know what I'm doing most of the time, and I tend to avoid anything I'm not good at. It takes alot to shake my self-confidence or intimidate me. 


So when I first started following Jesus, I assumed he was going to show me how stupid I really am by taking away all the talents, joys, and comforts of my life. The moment the Holy Spirit took over me, I instantly believed that suffering was the best way to teach me some humility. I was prepared to "lose it all" for the sake of Christ.


But God had a completely different plan. 


If you've been following my blog, you know how MUCH God has given me. In fact, some of you are probably sick of hearing about my exciting adventures, miraculous stories, and praises of blessing. Especially if you know me! You can attest to the fact that I'm nothing special and that I don't deserve any more gifts than the next person. {come on, be honest! some of you may even resent the fact that I seem to get some serious doses of awesome stuff from Jesus. I know I would feel that way!}


It may not be obvious on the outside (yet), but in my heart, I am constantly convicted of how unworthy I am to receive what God gives. In fact, the more he gives me, the more I see my own inability to do anything for myself. Which leads me back to Jesus again and again, asking him to take care of every detail, arrange every plan, provide for every need.   


And isn't that the point? God desires to have our hearts, and he oversees the circumstances of our lives so that we have infinite opportunities to fall on his mercy. Whether it is in suffering or blessing, in want or abundance, God is for us and with us and wants us.


This is why the apostle Paul could confidently say, "I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." 


On this eighth day of Lent, I am reflecting on how well God knows me, and has a plan that is good for my life, and will never leave me. Today, I meditate on these great truths, and I share them with you through Thomas Merton (below) and a reading of Psalm 139. 


My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I will do this you will lead me by the right road,
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore I will trust you always, 
though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

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