Let's Start At the Very Beginning

NOTE: The views contained in this post are purely the opinions of the author, who is not a medical professional or a trained birth consultant. Most of what is written here should fall into the "common sense" category of knowledge, but it is up to you, the reader, to think critically about the statements made here and to pursue additional research to refute or support these claims.  

If giving birth is like running a marathon, then how does one achieve the best possible birth experience? I believe that the nature of a woman’s pregnancy and birth is determined primarily by three factors, all of which began long before she was carrying a baby:

Some % Genetic Heritage.

How a woman’s sisters, mother, aunts, and maternal grandmother experienced their pregnancies and births is certainly no guarantee, but it can give her some indication of how her own experience may go. Additional genetic considerations include personal health such as allergies, food sensitivities, general and reproductive health, and any other physical ailments that you may be dealing with prior to pregnancy. None of us begins from "ground zero"; our family and personal health history factor in to any new stage of our physical bodies, especially one as major as pregnancy. 

My mother carried five children through healthy pregnancies to our due dates (or beyond); she delivered all of us vaginally, with minimal interventions, and very quickly (eight hours was her longest labor). And she gave birth to her last child at age 40! Both she and I have exceedingly healthy immune systems, no allergies, and regular menstrual cycles. Thus far, my own pregnancies and labor have been very similar to my mother’s, so I have to believe that it’s not all because of my own choices. However, I do believe that I have -

Some % Personal Responsibility.

The way that a woman cares for her body – long before she conceives – and during her pregnancy have a significant effect on the health and happiness of her pregnancy, as well as the ease of her labor. If you have a history of eating processed and fast food, drinking caffeinated or sugary beverages, smoking or drinking alcohol to excess, and minimal or no exercise, then your body, long before it carried a baby, was already in a less-than-ideal state. You may not have perceived any negative affects from these choices, but your body, over time, was running on cheap fuel. 

Again, consider the marathon training analogy. No marathon runner would consider McDonalds, Coke, and extra helpings of ice cream to be an appropriate diet in preparation for running 26.2 miles. Yet, when a woman is pregnant, we often only think of the affects such food and drink would have on our babies, without considering the cost on our own bodies. If we want to be prepared for a lengthy, exhausting labor, then we should be fueling our bodies with strengthening, healthy food. 

Doctors generally agree that whatever level of exercise was present prior to pregnancy can be carried into pregnancy as long as the woman is comfortable. I know runners, dancers, and other active women who continued these demanding physical activities well into their seventh or even eighth month of pregnancy. I believe that exercise not only prepares our bodies for labor but it also makes us more aware of ourselves and in tune with the sensations of pushing through our physical limitations. Even if you have not had a regular exercise routine prior to pregnancy, you can train your body during those 9 months, just as non-runners train for marathons every year. 

In the end, however, I believe the largest contributing factor to the pregnancy and birth experience is

100% Mental and Emotional Preparedness

The majority of women in the U.S. "know" about birth through completely false means - via an actress, who is portrayed in excruciating pain, usually angry at her partner, and surrounded by nurses and doctors who swoop in at the slightest sign of worry. 

Contrast this to most of human history, and current experiences in other parts of the world, in which birth was a normal, communal, feminine event. When a woman had a baby, she was surrounded by her sisters, daughters, cousins, mother, grandmother, and 'midwives' - the women of her tribe, so to speak. Most girls grew up seeing and experiencing birth long before it happened to them, and they knew what to expect based on personal, firsthand knowledge.   

I am convinced that the #1 reason so many women have less-than-ideal birth experiences in this country is because they approach pregnancy and birth with limited understanding and quite a dose of unaddressed fear. As a result, they make choices based on cultural norms instead of personal confidence and trust someone else to tell them what to do and how to experience their own bodies. They spend little or no time preparing their minds and hearts to handle birth. 

Studies have long demonstrated the incredible connection between what the mind believes and what the body experiences. One recent study on runners actually "demonstrated that the brain can be trained to allow the body to physically handle more." Researchers examined how mental fatigue affected the perception of physical fatigue during exercise and noted that "overall, it seems that exercise performance is ultimately limited by perception of effort rather than [other factors]. Therefore, the brain gave up and subsequently sent signals to the body to also cease, even though the body showed no physical signs of complete exhaustion" (emphasis mine). 

Any marathon runner knows that, in addition to the physical training, she must train her mind as well, or she will not cross that finish line. The state of her mind and emotions will allow her to keep going and finish strong or convince her to collapse in defeat. Yet, not nearly enough women approach birth in this way. In subsequent posts, I will discuss in more detail how to prepare your mind and heart for pregnancy and birth, but let me encourage you with these words:

"If you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up. It is always tired morning, noon, and night. But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired. When you were younger the mind could make you dance all night, and the body was never tired...You've always got to make the mind take over and keep going."

 ~ General George S. Patton, 1912 Olympian

I'm About To Run A Marathon!

Imagine you have decided to run a marathon in 6 months.

You reason, “People run marathons all the time! I don’t need to do anything special to get ready for it; we all cross the finish line in the end.” So you don’t train. You don’t change your diet or exercise; you don’t recruit a running buddy or put together a playlist on your ipod.

The morning of the race, you join the mass of other runners. Your husband is on the sidelines to cheer you on, but otherwise you’re alone in the crowd. You start at a good pace, full of adrenaline and excitement. But pretty quickly, your body starts to weaken. After all, you haven’t run long distances before and you’re feeling parts of your body that you never really knew existed! There are pit stops along the course, but when you check in, you’re not offered any water or energy drinks. Instead, someone checks your pulse and blood pressure, reads off some stats, and sends you on your way.

It doesn’t take long for your muscles to cramp up and for you to experience an intense amount of pain. You seriously doubt you can run another mile. When you look for your husband, instead of feeling reassured, you grow more worried because of the anxious look on his face. In fact, it seems like everyone around you is concerned that you aren’t going to make it. At each pit stop, a volunteer mentions that you aren’t doing too well, aren’t running very fast, and politely suggests that you might need some ‘help’ finishing.

You decide to push on but every muscle in your body is fighting against you and your husband looks desperate. The moment you arrive at the next pit stop, you leap onto the stretcher that’s offered. You know you cannot run a single moment more. A kind volunteer offers to push you, on the stretcher, to the finish line, where your husband greets you with happy relief.

Yes, you completed the marathon. And your body recovered from the shock and pain of it. But most people would consider you foolish for neglecting to train the past 6 months, and you will most likely want to push this experience far from your memory.

Giving birth is like running a marathon.
If you properly train and prepare for it, then you can actually enjoy it! Just like marathon runners, women can experience the exhilaration, power, and accomplishment of giving birth, if they have wisely disciplined themselves ahead of time.

"I've learned that finishing a marathon isn't just an athletic achievement. It's a state of mind; a state of mind that says anything is possible." - John Hanc

Training for a marathon does not eliminate the pain of running it. Your muscles will still ache, you will still doubt along the way, and you will want to eat a horse once you’ve finished! But proper preparation teaches you how to manage the pain and puts YOU in control of how you will finish.

Sadly, too many women in the U.S. approach giving birth in the way I described this marathon runner. Then, they are left feeling cheapened or cheated by their experiences. In subsequent posts, I will share what I consider to be the most necessary information for women to consider as they approach pregnancy and birth.

In the meantime, I have almost completed my own training! It helps that I've done this before. My body is healthy and strong; I've gathered my running team and prepared the course. Now, I just have to run!

Daddy's Girl

As I eagerly await the arrival of our second daughter, I all the more appreciate the special bond that my husband and 3.5 year old little girl already enjoy. Not only do they spend some amazing quality time together each week, but they also have so many wonderful similarities! I thought it would be fun to share some here.

1. Clean Hands!
Both my husband and my daughter must have, at all meal times, a napkin or wet washcloth next to them. Their hands must never be sticky, messy, gooey, or otherwise unclean.

2. Must Love Animals
We've always joked that my husband should have been a veterinarian or some animal whisperer because he just genuinely loves (and connects with) all animals. Our daughter shares this delight, whether it's the loud macaw at the pet store, the baby goats at the zoo, every dog we ever see, the birds at the Raptor Center, or the hermit crabs at the kiosk in the MOA.
*Note* Both parties also have a shared hatred and fear of winged insects, especially those that sting.

3. This is the Best Day EVER!
Over the last 3 months, every single day, my daughter will exclaim with incredible joy, "This is the best day ever!" First of all, let me clearly state that she does NOT get this from me. I was a very serious kid, just as I am a pretty serious (read: not fun) adult. So her exuberance is a clear reflection of the positivity and joy that my husband most definitely has.
But it is also a component of their personalities (for those of you with MBTI insight: both of them have the SP temperament). My husband and daughter both live in the moment, so whatever activity they happen to be doing is always the "best" thing they could be doing. Once they get involved - in a movie, a playdate, a party, a shopping trip - it is FUN and it should NEVER END.

4. Snuggle Sleepers
Every since our daughter was born, she could snuggle into the crook of Daddy's arm and they could both sleep soundly for hours. To this day, they can sleep very close together (i.e., in her little twin bed) all night long, undisturbed by loud noises, light, or any other sound. This amazes me. And, I think, will be very handy when a new, crying baby comes around.

Of course, our daughter has many of my traits as well, but her perspective and experience of life is much more similar to her father. Which works out just fine for me, since I fell in love with him, (generally) understand him, and like hanging out with the guy.

I look forward to getting to know this second one and learning her ways!

Who's In Charge?

Every morning, I am greeted by a sweet, happy 3-year-old voice whose first question is, "what are we doing today, Mama?"

I have always appreciated the enthusiasm and energy with which my daughter has met each day, but as I have been reflecting on Jesus' challenging statement that I must be transformed into a little child in order to enter his kingdom, Maren's attitude has dramatically influenced me.


While there are many characteristics of children that I could focus on as I close my meditation on Jesus' words (recorded in the gospel according to Matthew, chapter 18), my daughter's simple morning greeting teaches me 3 things that I believe Jesus wants me to know [understand, put into practice]:


1. She is not in control. By asking me what the day holds, my daughter demonstrates her understanding that I'm responsible for what happens to her that day. She doesn't expect to be in charge of the day's agenda but rather, anticipates my leading and oversight. 


How different would my days be if I began them by asking my heavenly Father, "what are we doing today, Daddy? what is on your mind, what are your plans?"  


2. She trusts my plans. The joyful anticipation in her question reflects her trust that I have planned something good for her. She starts the day eager to know what I have in store for her, which reflects her past experiences with me and the relationship that we have built. 


Do I believe that God's plans for me are good? Do I trust him with the circumstances and details of my days?


3. She wants to spend the day with me. This will probably change as she grows up, which may be one of many reasons why Jesus references a child of this age. But right now, my daughter expects that she will be with me all day long, that we will experience the day together, and that our shared time will be part of the fun that day.


How eager am I to spend my day with Jesus? How much do I invite him into what's happening to me each day?


The innocent simplicity with which a 3 year old opens her day is incredibly humbling. That's the kind of heart attitude that God wants from me! And the fact is, if I were more like a child, in this way, then I would certainly experience more of God's Fatherly affection for me. Right? The more that I look to God to guide, plan, and walk with me through each day, the more I enjoy his presence and provision.


So right now, I am praying that I can learn from my daughter. I am praying that the Spirit of God would transform me into an eager, joyful, trusting child who can't stand the thought of spending a day without my Daddy. I pray this for you, too! 

Be Changed!

In The Brady Bunch Movie, Marcia auditions to be a model. The agent looks her over and then says he might be able to do something with her if she will cut her hair, cap her teeth, lose about 30 pounds and consider breast implants. Marcia slaps him and says, with indignation, “cut my hair?!?” as she storms out.
 

Despite the humor involved in Marcia’s situation, we can all relate. No one wants to be told that she needs to change in order to be considered worthy enough [for a job, a relationship, or any other role]. Instead, we like to believe that we’re perfectly ok just the way we are. So I imagine, when the early disciples asked Jesus who was the greatest in his kingdom, they fully believed at least one of them qualified for such a title.

But when Jesus responds to them - before he names the greatest in the kingdom - he says that they must be changed if they even want to enter the kingdom in the first place!  “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.”

Hearing this must have felt something like a college student who asks his teacher, “who’s the smartest person in our class?”, only to have the teacher reply, “I’ll tell you the truth, unless you are transformed and become like a preschooler, you won’t even be considered a member of this class.”

Now that’s a slap in the face! Not only should we understand that we’re not the greatest in the kingdom, but we’re also being told that we can’t even get into God’s kingdom unless we are radically changed. Who wants to sign up for that?!? Change is hard, long, challenging work. It’s unnatural. It is often unpleasant and downright frustrating.  

Notice, however, that Jesus doesn’t say “change yourself.” His message of transformation is not about us trying to be different or making ourselves into something new. Instead, he says “be changed.” This implies that something or someone else will act upon us to transform us from our current state into kingdom-people.

Earlier in his ministry, Jesus had a private conversation with one of the religious rulers, where he explained this incredible secret.  

Jesus told him, “I am telling you the truth: no one can see the Kingdom of God without being born again.”

“How can anyone," said Nicodemus, "be born who has already been born and grown up? You can't re-enter your mother's womb and be born again, right?”

“I am telling you the truth,” replied Jesus, “that no one can enter the Kingdom of God without being born of water and the Spirit. Human parents can only give physical life to their children. Yet only God’s Spirit can change you into a child of God.”

This should encourage us!

First of all, as I mentioned in my last post, Jesus wants us to understand greatness in his kingdom. He doesn’t chastise us for wanting to be important; instead, he tells us how to achieve this.

But the first step, he explains, is that we need to be sure we are in the kingdom of God. We can’t overlook this truth because things are upside down in God’s kingdom. God looks for sick, sinful, weak people to welcome to his banquet. He wants foolish, messed up, despised and rejected people to be his children. And those people - those people who recognize how ridiculously inadequate they are - enter the kingdom of God, not because they can get all cleaned up and look impressive, not because they have any ability to improve themselves, but because they look to God to change them. These people want to be transformed from the inside out, and only the Spirit of God can give birth to spiritual life.

So, once you recover from the shocking statement that you can’t get into the kingdom of God on your own, and you can’t receive the place of highest honor in that kingdom based on your own merits, and, in fact, you need to become (or, recognize that you already are) as helpless as a small child - then you get to enjoy the incredible grace of receiving the Spirit of God and being converted into a new person. Just as you cannot physically re-enter your mother’s womb to be born a second time, so, too, can you not enter the kingdom of God without being born by his Spirit.

In my next post, we’ll take a deeper look at what that “new person” is like. But for now, I’m interested in knowing: when did you realize you couldn’t make it on your own and needed to turn to God? If you haven’t looked to God for help, how would you challenge what I said in this post?   

Competing for the Prize

My daughter is determinedly competitive. Winning is everything to her little heart right now. When she runs around with her friends - of ages both older and younger than she is - she wants to be the fastest. When we play a game, she refuses to play by any rules that would make her lose. She attended two sessions of soccer practice and, because she was unable to achieve a certain technique, refused to return.


My husband and I have many conversations with her that affirm our love for her regardless of some competitive success. But more importantly, we want to communicate to her that winning, or being the best at something, is not the goal of life. 

So when Jesus' disciples asked him who was the greatest in his kingdom - when they inadvertently inquired as to which of them was the best - it only seems natural to expect the great Teacher to remind them that life isn't a competition. 


"Haven't you been watching me?" Jesus could retort. "I hang out with all the nobodies, the outcasts, the forgotten and condescended to. Can't you see that I'm not interested in people with important titles and puffed up righteousness?" 


Or he could have given them a refresher on Psalms 8 and 144 -  on how great God is and how infinitely small and insignificant they are by comparison.   


O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth, who have displayed Your splendor above the heavens! When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which You have ordained; what is man that You take thought of him and the son of man that You care for him? Blessed be the Lord, my rock, my lovingkindness and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield and He in whom I take refuge. O Lord, what is man, that You take knowledge of him? Or the son of man, that You think of him? Man is like a mere breath; his days are like a passing shadow.


But instead of chastising these immature boys for competing to be in first place, instead of reminding them of the great humility that Jesus himself bore for their sake, instead of giving them a biblical rebuke for even daring to ask about greatness when compared to the eternal God -


INSTEAD, JESUS TELLS THEM HOW TO BE GREAT!


So - maybe seeking after the prize isn't a bad thing after all? Maybe God actually wants me to be great in his kingdom? The apostle Paul seems to agree, as he shares with the church that he presses on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. And again he reminds us: Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. 


We'll unpack this even more as we process Jesus' answer, but for now, I'd love to hear your thoughts. How do you feel knowing that there is a way to greatness in the kingdom of God? What sort of issues (positive or negative) does that bring up for you? 

Want To Be Great?

Who is the greatest person in the world?

Check out these suggestions, by country. Or read Joel Stein’s recent article naming his picks for the 100 most influential people of all time. If you’d like to put a picture to the faces, check out these 100 portraits of iconic people in history.

The people on these lists have many things in common, namely, that they became famous (either for good or evil) and that they exerted a great deal of influence over a significant number of people throughout time. 

But to truly decide on the greatest person in the world - or in history - a better question may need to be asked: how do you define greatness?

Is greatness attributed to someone because of his words? Certainly, many 'great' speeches have been made, such as President Lincoln's Gettysburg Address or Martin Luther King, Jr.'s "I Have A Dream". But was it the words that inspired us, or the men behind those words?

Is greatness achieved by one's actions? The Red Cross has won the most Nobel Prizes of any entity and Mother Teresa is easily one of the most famous 'saints' to have walked the earth. Is what they have done the cause of their greatness in our minds?

About two thousand years ago, a group of young men looking for greatness posed that very question to their respected teacher. Devout Jews who were waiting expectantly for God's Kingdom to reign on earth, they wanted to know, “Who is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” 

No doubt these guys were hoping one of them would qualify for the title. If they had not yet proven their worth, then surely the teacher's response would set them on the right track. 

For an answer, Jesus called over a little child (probably between the ages of 4-6) and placed the child among the group of men. Then he said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

I'm assuming that, when you contemplated the first two questions posed in this post - who is the greatest? and how do you define greatness? - your first response wasn't anywhere near "a preschooler." And I'm certain that the guys hanging around Jesus would have agreed with you. His answer is surprising, puzzling, and pretty hard to accept.

So I invite you to spend this month meditating on this difficult saying with me. If you want to be great, or if you want to understand how God defines greatness, or even if you just want to contemplate the words of Jesus, stay awhile - let's chat!