How is sharing different from a pyramid scheme.
Parents: It's unfair to put your toddler on a leash if you're not going to also let them pee next to parked cars.
If you know a discreet plumber who specializes in not jumping to conclusions please get me in contact. Today please. I can't pay in $$ so take something from the house. Use back entrance. If you see an adult just run.
If you have pictures of me in a time out please know that those could have been from weeks ago. cc Santa
The Truth About Car Sleep (excerpt)
If you’ve ever thought to yourself that your child is from a “different planet,” you’re not far from the truth! Alas, we toddlers are not aliens- har har, but we do exist in a dimension all our own; one that allows us access to high levels of energy (you may have noticed). The dimension we live in is closer in proximity to the light. I can’t go any deeper into that without violating confidentiality clauses and at least 14 treaties. We can see things you can’t see blah blah blah. OK.
Unless you drive a purely *electric vehicle, your car contains an internal combustion engine. In simple terms, high energy fuel (gasoline) is ignited in an enclosed space. The result is a high amount of energy released.
When the elementary particles in the combustion engine and the outer dimensional field toddlers exist in that mimics the speed of light collide, something spectacular happens. Upon colliding, the particles vaporize into pure energy. This immediately overwhelms us as it feels like Mentos and Coke have erupted in our psyches. Some of us scream. Others cry and resist the carseat like it is a portal to Hades. If it is close to naptime, most of us will be sent into sleep mode as a natural guard against dangerous overwhelm.
The pure energy released creates a outer space like dark matter-rich force-field that creates the perfect conditions for gravitational time dilation. When you look in your rearview mirror, you see a cherub sleeping and only a few minutes passing. But in our dimension, 1 minute equals an hour. Three minutes for you, three hours for us.
The problem is that while some toddlers will come out of the warp sleep happy and rested, most of us experience a post radiation “hangover,” if you will. Headaches. Confusion. Slight nausea. You drink, right? You know what this feels like. Combine this with an impatient parent upset that they missed out on three hours of child-less bliss (whatever) and an emotional fallout is likely.
In light of The Honest Toddler, do you have any fun stories to share about how a kid drove you crazy recently? What's a good tagline from your own childhood?