Whose Church Is It?

I believe the quickest way to burnout in ministry is by making it about yourself instead of about God.

It may seem counterintuitive that a church leader would somehow be serving her own interests, rather than following God’s, but the slippery slope to self-adoration begins in seemingly justified thoughts. People in the church face problems 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and they expect their leaders to be available to help in their times of need. After repeated seasons of not being home for dinner, missing Suzy’s piano recital, and canceling family plans at the last minute, ministers can easily (and understandably) begin to keep track of “What I’m Giving Up” in order to serve the church. The longer the list gets, the more the leader starts to believe that her sacrifices are necessary to keep the church going. Unknowingly, she piles burdens upon herself, concerned that the ministry will fail without her attention to every marital dispute, volunteer crisis, or choice of paint color for the new classroom.

The companion thought to “What I’m Giving Up” is “I Do More Than ________”. Ministry leaders often allow themselves to quantify how much or how often they serve in comparison to the efforts of others in the church, which invites the temptation to grow bitter at what appears to be a greater commitment on their part. This thought process can soon be followed by “When Do I Get A Break?” and “How Am I Being Served?”.

The foundation for these beliefs centers on the fact that Jesus served unto death and so now his followers, especially church leaders, must do likewise. Jesus gave his life for the church; we are called to do the same.

The difference, though, is that the only person the church needs is Jesus. His sacrifice actually accomplished something for us (our salvation) and his service continues to work out our sanctification. Pastors, elders, and ministry leaders serve like Jesus but not in place of him. Not one good work of the church depends on the sacrifices of its leaders. The church’s success is not a result of our ability, faithfulness, or middle-of-the-night attentiveness. God doesn’t need us to build his church and the church doesn’t need us to save her.

I am not advocating, of course, that leaders be lazy, selfish, or neglectful of their responsibilities. But I am encouraging us to continually evaluate the very fine line between serving because I must rather than because I can.

Christians are in danger of making ministry about themselves, rather than God, when:

• they are unable to say “no” to church activities

• they serve out of a sense of guilt - “I don’t want to let the church down”; a sense of worry - “if I don’t do this, what will happen?”; or a sense of self-idolatry - “I’m the only one who can do this”
• they no longer see or experience God at work but, instead, feel the weight of doing all the work
• they have repeated thoughts of bitterness, criticism, or resentment towards others in the church

If you recognize any of these circumstances in your life - STOP! TURN AROUND! RUN TO JESUS! You may be in danger of burnout so stop, drop, and roll. Just say no!

And, pray for your leaders. 

Pray that those who serve you will always be motivated by Christ, rather than their own flesh. 

Pray that they will be able to distinguish between what is necessary and what drains their time. 

Pray that they will find rest in Jesus and that the church will not be a burden to them! 

Come alongside your leaders by serving in the church - if every part of the body fulfilled its role, how beautiful and sanctified she would be. 

How do you see the grace of Christ in your ministry? How are you tempted to make it about yourself rather than him?

Feel the Burn...Or Not

Most of us want to be successful at our jobs, whether we’re stay-at-home moms or high-paid executives. And regardless of how you define “success”, if you’re looking for it, you’re usually willing to sacrifice for it.

Yet, true success eludes most of us, because we always have the sense that we could do more or be more or give more. The satisfaction we anticipated feeling once we reached the pinnacle of our career simply never came (or faded quickly). This leads to feelings of guilt or inadequacy, which pushes us to try harder and sacrifice more to “get there.”

Sadly, this is often most true in the church, where, instead of experiencing freedom from the burden to “perform well”, ministry leaders (and, as a result, church members) immerse themselves in church commitments and serve until they burnout. The subsequent aftermath of this overworked, under-appreciated service too often leads to affairs, bitterness, and a complete break from the church. If the Christian has not also lost her faith, she will spend a significant portion of time (perhaps years) healing from the weight that she had carried and holding back from her next community of believers.

I consider myself having been in ministry since the day I gave my life to Jesus, almost 14 years ago. In our 12.5 years of marriage, my husband and I have served in nearly every church program possible, taught classes and led small groups, been on staff at a church, have started a church, and are about to start another church. Outside of going on vacations 1-3 times a year, we have never had a Sunday “off”, and have regularly spent up to 7 hours in a church building on many a Sunday. In many of those years, this was in addition to non-ministry jobs and commitments.

I admit that, in the span of a life, this is really no time at all. Yet, I still think it worthy to note that we have never once felt even close to burnout.

I praise God for this! And I reflect on why this is our situation, so that we can prevent burnout from ever entering our ministry. I also want to encourage those of you who are leading or participating in the work of the church to invite the Holy Spirit to reveal if you are headed towards burnout.  

Later this week will begin a 4-part series on the matter of ministry burnout, including thoughts from a great mentor and longtime pastor/leader. My prayer is that we reflect on our work in the church and trust Jesus all the more to sustain us in it. 

What questions do you have as you think about guarding yourself from burnout?

What experiences have you had feeling stretched too far in ministry? What advice can you give others? 

Help Wanted

In case you missed it, I HATE shopping.
[see with what large letters I write the word 'hate'? this is so all shall know how much I despise shopping]

I used to think that this feeling of disgust was a result of not wanting to spend money but I'm starting to believe that it's actually the result of PARALYZING FEAR.

Hi, my name is Nicole and I'm afraid to shop. 

I am afraid of purchasing the 'wrong' thing.
I am afraid that my purchase will go to waste (i.e., neither be used nor useful).
I am afraid that I will hate my purchase an hour later.
I am afraid that I will find a better deal or have a better idea of what I want the next day.

These fears are real when I am grocery shopping, gift shopping, personal shopping, at overpriced stores and thrift stores - basically any time I set foot in any kind of store where I am expected to pay money in exchange for some item. Because of this, I shop as infrequently as absolutely possible, which means I usually only buy food (a necessity) and avoid all other purchases. Which is a problem because I have been wanting, for almost 2 years now, to rework my wardrobe.

Yes, I want a wardrobe makeover!

I'm supposed to be an artist. But I pay no attention to what I wear and I have no idea how to put on make-up so that my face actually looks good. I am uncomfortable in most of my clothes. I don't have enough color in my life!

I need help! 

Aside from therapy about my fear of shopping, I need someone to MAKE ME OVER. A real makeover that will help me learn how to shop better for myself and then look better as myself. I am looking for an experienced shopper with an artistic eye who can help me find my style without breaking my currently non-existent clothing budget. I am also interested in reducing the number of items in my closet - what is the absolute minimum amount of clothing I can own? How can I be comfortable, fun, attractive, and cheap? Can I actually learn how to do my own make-up? Can you help me?!?

Are you up for the challenge? Got any ideas? What's it going to cost me?






   

Can I Get An Amen?

In case you haven’t heard, we’re moving our family to New York City to start a church. It’s sort of a big deal, and it’s tempting, in the midst of all the details, to start believing that we can somehow achieve this monumental task in our own strength and skill. It’s also fairly easy to crunch numbers and look at our unfinished house and listen to our big dreams and become convinced that we’re crazy to go after this at all.

So today’s post is dedicated to all the miraculous moves of God that weren’t orchestrated by us in any way but are all for our good and encourage us in our calling.

* Uh, remember that God called us to this thing in the first place?

* Despite learning that less than 3% of NYC believes in Jesus, we have discovered that God has been raising up a host of laborers who are recently (in the last 3-10 years) planting churches. God is moving in the city!

* Our team felt a unified call to Greenpoint, Brooklyn before knowing anything about the neighborhood. There are currently NO church plants happening in Greenpoint, yet the thirty-something population (our people!) has doubled in the last 10 years. Also, 2 of the elementary schools in our neighborhood have the highest rating possible for public schools and are considered some of the top schools in all of NYC.

* Michael and Mike were humbled to meet with Mark Reynolds, the “Godfather of NYC church-planting”, and have him encourage our vision! Another church planter told us that in his group of 5 planters, Mark had not approved 3 of them to move forward. His opinion is highly respected in the NYC church planting community and his support affirms what God is doing in us.

* We had prayed that our ministry partner, Mike, would get a full-time job with UPS. After one phone interview, Mike was invited to interview in-person and was offered a job in West Manhattan a week later! Not only is this a perfect location (for commuting purposes), but Mike learned that his Director is also a Christian. Unbelievable!

* Our team is growing! A dear family and some single friends are currently praying about joining us in NYC - and Rachel, a staff member at our parent church has already been called to come with us! WOW. The fact that others are inspired by our vision and are asking the Holy Spirit if he would have them move across the country to join his mission is yet another confirmation that God is arranging all the parts for his glory.  

* At this time last year, we knew of no churches in NYC that were using our chosen model. Since then, we have connected with TWO other missional churches, both in Brooklyn!

* Not only this, but one of the foremost leaders of the missional community movement and the president of GCM (a network of missional churches) is moving to Manhattan this week! He is working with the CMA and Nyack College & Seminary to develop curriculum, training, and collectives to raise up missional church planters in NYC. He has expressed his excitement to us about our presence in the city and begun discussing ways to partner together.

* We have met with over 100 people to share the God-sized vision that he has given us. Over 80 of those pray regularly for us and 18 have generously committed to financially support us for the next 3 years. We have 25% of our needed financial goal!  

Are you excited about what God is doing in New York City and in us?  
Contact me if you're interested in hearing the fuller version of our story or helping us prepare to leave by the end of August.
Financial donations are tax-deductible and can be set up (one-time or monthly) here (choose Michael & Nicole Devereaux - NYC Fund).

An Ode to Financial Bliss (sort of)

Money is on my mind alot these days.  How much do we have, do we need, do we spend, will we spend, where's it coming from, what's left...you get the point.

The exhausting thing is, I'm really not good with numbers and I know barely anything about finances.  And the little knowledge I have was mostly acquired over the last 2 years.

Don’t get me wrong - I thought I knew about money. I was raised in a middle-class home where I was neither spoiled nor deprived. I never had an allowance. My high school paychecks were signed over to an account in my parents’ name or cashed for me to use as I needed. Since I’ve never been a shopper, I’ve mostly ever used money for food (oh, the glory of going “off-campus” for lunch as an upperclassman!) or travel. I never had a credit card. I graduated college without debt, thanks to generous scholarships and my father’s financial wisdom. My parents never talked about money in front of me or with me. We had what we needed and that was enough.

My husband also grew up in a middle-class home. He received an allowance, which was basically whatever money he needed to buy whatever he wanted. In his family, money was used to buy the best of everything, even to purchase gifts as a means of showing love. He learned that if you wanted something, you bought it, whether or not you could afford it. Debt was normal and my husband graduated with quite a bit of it.     

We went into marriage with little realization of each other’s spending habits and no plan for our family’s finances. We spent years fighting over money, racking up debt, and unnecessarily living paycheck to paycheck. It seemed we could never get ahead - or even get on the same page.

People, this is what’s called “Living Without Purpose.” And it will kill you.

Since I’m not dead, something obviously changed for us. And, in case you find yourself in a similar situation, I’m going to share our super secret with you. I’m going to tell you how you, too, can love your spouse AND live intentionally with money. How you can AVOID DEBT (or get out of it!) and still buy stuff you like. Are you ready? 

BUDGET.

Are you shocked and amazed? 

Well, it’s true. One day, my husband and I got our heads out of our butts and we sat down and wrote a budget. An honest-to-goodness budget that assigned every dollar of income to an expense until every dollar we earned was spent on paper before a penny of it was in our wallet. As Dave Ramsey says, we told our money where to go instead of wondering where it went.

Still not shocked and amazed enough? Let me share 4 truths about budgeting that have rocked my world.

1. A budget isn’t a ball and chain that enslaves. I was surprised to discover that having (and keeping) a budget freed us to allocate money according to our values and priorities rather than aimlessly spending and hoping we have enough left for what we want. We have given more money away since we started budgeting than we ever did without a budget - and yet our income level has barely changed! Budgeting allowed us to be more generous with money.

2. A budget reveals your weaknesses. The irony of not having a budget is that we assumed we were living within our means. But the truth is, not having a budget gave us an excuse to spend blindly and kept us ignorant of the areas where we were wasting money. We blamed our income level rather than our spending habits on our state of need. Even if you aren’t concerned about making ends meet, without a budget, you have no direction or check on where the money goes.  Budgeting provides accountability to make wise (informed) financial decisions.   

3. A budget motivates good habits. When we were living paycheck to paycheck, we felt overwhelmed that we’d never get ahead and afraid that we’d be in debt forever. But with a budget in hand, we could actively cut spending in some areas in order to purposely throw more money at paying down debt. In our first budget year, we paid off $8,000 in debt with a minimal change in income. Budgeting disciplined us to think before we spent and to plan for unexpected circumstances.

4. A budget supports marital unity. Most couples have one person who handles the family finances. But I’m not sure how many couples have regular family meetings to discuss those finances - unless by “meeting” you include the fights instigated by accusations and anger over where the money went. There’s a reason that many couples cite financial disagreements as a major cause for divorce. Creating a budget each month forced my husband and me to sit, face to face, and prioritize our expenses. Budgeting brought oneness and peace to our marriage.

In case you think we became financial experts over the last 2 years, let me assure you that we still don’t achieve a perfectly balanced budget every month. And we remain a long way from being debt free. But our behavior with money has been radically altered and this has changed our entire perspective on how we can live - and give. 

What's your financial state? What's the secret to your success? What do you want to change? 

Things I'll Actually Spend Money On

I HATE buying stuff. I'm terrible at choosing gifts for people and I can almost never justify making a purchase for myself.  But today, I'm going to share my (very short) list of things that I think are worth the money.*

*although, if any of these things reached a certain price point or were discontinued, I'd live without. Maybe I need to make a list of things I absolutely would never give up?? Also note that I am NOT receiving any special sponsorships for mentioning this items so you can totally trust my opinion.

1. Slice-Pro Kitchen Cutter 

This was a gift from my fabulous mother-in-law (yeah, I never actually spent money on this) and it is my favorite kitchen tool. Unfortunately, it has since been discontinued, which is why I can't even find a nice product image anywhere on the web.
You'll notice that the slice-pro is a sharp knife and small cutting board all in one. How can this not still exist?!? It makes chopping small fruits and vegetables into bite-size pieces a snap. Lightweight, easy to clean, and endlessly useful.


 

2. Natural Dentist Mouthwash
Not going to lie - I have very poor dental hygiene. I haven't been to a dentist in 10 years, and when I did go regularly, my gums would bleed just with a glance from the hygienist. I never particularly minded good old Listerine but this stuff is like a soothing balm for the mouth. I couldn't believe how happy I felt after 30 seconds of swishing!

3. Cheese
I am a wanna-be foodie. If I had a limitless budget, I would spend most of it on amazing food. Alas, I must make concessions, but my favorite food splurge is on any of the 170 varieties of cheese at our local co-op. There is literally no comparison between your average packaged cheese and fresh, hand-pulled mozzarella. Even my husband, who gives me a hard time for my love affair with the co-op, demands that I purchase cheese there. Taste the difference!

4.  Ultra-Calming Makeup Remover Wipes
I've been wearing makeup more recently (that's another story) and because I'm not used to it - or because I buy cheap stuff? - it tends to irritate me after a couple hours, particularly around my eyes. But I've noticed that often the makeup removing products irritate me just as much. So one day I splurged the $7 for these wipes, which promised that my skin would feel "soothed and balanced" after use.  I didn't realize how good they really were, until I ran out and opted to purchase the cheaper version. Never again. I am permanently a fan of most Aveeno products, but these wipes were like magical washcloths.

What about you? What item(s) do you justify spending a little extra for or cannot absolutely do without? Can you sway me to try it?  

Asking People For Money Is Like...

In 2003, I enrolled in a church-based leadership training program. Read more about how that happened - here and here.

As an unpaid church intern, I was expected to gather a team of people who would financially support me during the nine months of training. It’s not unusual for Christians to give money to each other for various ministry work, but I had no experience raising a livable salary and no good idea how to do it.

I wrote a short letter, summarizing what I planned to do and explaining how much money I thought I needed to survive the year (which was a decent amount, since my husband was in seminary and not working at the time). I sent the letter to every family member, some of my co-workers, and anyone whose name I knew at our church.  Then I waited.

I waited for people to read my letter and respond, excitedly, with donations of $50, $100, or more, each month. I waited for God to “show me the money!”. And when that didn’t happen, I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. With trepidation, I started making phone calls...

“Hi, it’s Nicole, how are you doing?...great, well you know I’m preparing to quit my job and start a church-based internship, right? I sent you a letter about it awhile back........well, I’m just calling to, you know, just.....check in.........and, um, see if you had thought about supporting me?............oh, yeah, I totally understand......well, thanks for, um, being my friend...bye.”

AWKWARD. And - embarrassing.

So I never fully raised the money I had budgeted. God was good and somehow - to this day, I really couldn’t tell you how - we survived that year. In fact, we kept pursuing ministry, but we never expected to have to ask people for money again. Because, you know, that was totally uncomfortable. For everyone.

Now, 10 years later, we are preparing to move to the 2nd most expensive city in the U.S. to start a church. We have estimated over $33,000 a year for RENT (our current mortgage is less than $10,000). If we wanted to, we could pay $25,000 a year for health insurance (uh...we’re not that crazy).

It’s become necessary for us, once again, to ask for money. But this time, everything is different.

This time, before we approached a single friend with the question of “will you...?”, we spent two months praying and seeking God’s wisdom in setting a budget. We asked a lot of questions, did a lot of research, and waited until we felt a peace about how much money we needed to raise.

This time, we asked others to pray with us and for us, at every step of the process.

This time, we prayed over a list of names of people we wanted to invite to partner with us. We pray(ed) before every meeting and after every conversation.

This time, we kept (are keeping) our eyes focused on Jesus and not on ourselves. We prepared a pretty sweet prezi and we practiced our spiel but honestly, we approached support raising with full confidence in our calling and complete trust in our God. This time, we understood how the apostle Paul could encourage the church that their financial gifts brought him joy, not because of the gift itself, but because of the blessing that God would give them as a result of their generosity. This time, we realized that we truly are inviting people to partner with us in God’s work in NYC - not everyone can go, but everyone can participate in the work by helping send us.

This time, we are able to ask people to give money with absolutely no expectation or dependency on their responses. We don’t feel more or less loved based on whether (or not) someone financially supports us. Our identity is not tied to how people respond to our invitation, though we receive great joy when someone joins our team.

In this way, raising financial support is exactly like sharing the good news of Jesus.

It’s not about us, it’s about him.

It must be rooted in prayer.

We must be confident in our calling and identity in Jesus so that we can clearly explain it to others - but understand that their response is not dependent on how effectively we communicate or how slick our presentation is. God is the one who calls people to himself.

WE receive great joy when someone responds to the call!

This time, asking people for money has been encouraging and exciting for us. It reminds us how utterly needy we are - in every sense! - and keeps us thirsty for Living Water, the kind that becomes in us a spring of water welling up to eternal life.