Rhythms of Rest

Today's post comes from my friend and mentor, Ned Berube. Ned has been married 42 years to Sue, with 6 children ages 22-38 and 5 grandchildren ages 2-9. He's (joyfully) survived 38 years in pastoral ministry, 2 church plants, and is the current president of the ARC, as well as serving as a leadership consultant with Whitewater Ministries the last 4 years. In light of my recent post regarding working while resting, Ned has written some thoughts on celebrating Sabbath rhythms.

As a young pastor in 1975, I threw myself headfirst into caring for the flock and largely lost track of the reality of marriage and family. It took an article in which a Christian leader wrote about time management and outlined how he prioritized his wife and family as the first order of business in his "ministry". That was a game changer for me. I also began to take a week every January to get apart and recalibrate my priorities for life.

Doesn't he look like your favorite Grandpa?

In 1986 I attended a conference in Michigan that among other things pointed to the necessity of establishing core values and commensurate practices that would help to establish a culture that reflected the kingdom of God. One of the significant features of this culture building was the understanding of celebration. The relative richness of any culture is often seen by the events and values that they celebrate. And if in fact the practice of celebration is weak or non-existent, the values of the culure will diminish and finally get lost. And the culture will expire.

Returning from that conference, I began implementing a recognition of our core values and practices that undergirded these values. The results were profound. Our identity as a people flourished and our mission became clearer and more fruitful. But at one more conference in 2006, I heard another perspective on celebration and sabbatical rhythms that furthered my commitment to this approach to ministry. Sharing from the mind of God as outlined to Israel, the speaker unpacked the biblical understanding of Sabbath and the Jewish feasts. The core principles that I ferreted from this time were:

1. The point of a weekly Sabbath is to return to God as your Source of all provision and to delight oneself afresh in His goodness and generosity. Failing to get there often will probably result in trusting one's own capacities to navigate life and relegating God to an emergency role, kind of a divine EMT. To live by faith means that we are receiving from a living God who is always seeking to provide for us out of His covenant nature.
2. Celebrating what one values establishes the core value more deeply. Failing to do so will end in diminishment and loss.
3. Disciples/people are shaped by culture as well as principle. The communal dynamic is crucial. And the culture of the community must be constructed thoughtfully.
4. Stopping is a practice that is not well known among both believers and non. We are driven by wrong priorities and false time constraints to the point that we easily feel out of control and discouraged. The sabbatical rhythm of stopping and remembering what is important and reflecting with the Spirit regarding next steps is a rhythm that no leader of God's people can neglect.
5. Building culture must be done intentionally and carefully or the power of the surrounding culture will overwhelm and define in unhealthy ways. 

Four years ago I took my first real sabbatical. I wasn't burnt out largely because I had been reasonably careful regarding sabbatical rhythms in my personal and family life. But the result of those 6 months apart were remarkable. As I made a transition into more of a consultant rather than local church role, I found a renewal of creativity and grace and desire that continues to this day. I often think of this renewal in light of God's command to Israel to let the land lie fallow every seventh year and trust Him to not only provide for them during that fallow year but to literally allow the soil to be renewed in its composition. That's exactly what occurred for me, a deep renewal of the soul.

Sabbatical rhythms are not at all about rule-keeping. Rather it is the wisdom of God for personal and corporate health and the capacity to last long and bear much fruit.

What kind of sabbatical rhythms have you found in your life? When was the last time you took some rest?

Holding it Together

I start most days with the best intentions.

I have an ongoing to-do list, keep an up-to-date calendar, plan our meals a week at a time, and strategize how to approach projects. I try to go to bed at 10pm (and make it by 11 most nights!).

But I've discovered this great truth: there just isn't enough time in the day to accomplish everything.

In one sense, I've always known this, because I don't usually care if I cross things off the to-do list and I am definitely not an Achiever.  But as we now prepare to plant a church in New York City, time seems so much more precious and I constantly feel like I'm grasping just to hold onto it a little longer.

We all like to believe the illusion that we have our lives together, that we're actually in control of each moment. When my day goes as I've planned, I can pat myself on the back at the end of it and congratulate myself on how well prepared, how disciplined and industrious, I was. Good job, self! You accomplished and earned everything you wanted today.

But what happens when my day feels overwhelming before it's even started, when the to-do list has only grown longer, when I've let people down because I couldn't make time for them, when my children are whining and clinging to me, when our calendar is empty of support-raising appointments, when there are phone calls, thank you notes, newsletters, blog posts, and messages to write and I haven't had time even to eat? If completing these tasks is dependent on my ability, then when I fail (as I always do), what do I say to myself then?

Some days, I feel like I'm barely holding it together. Some days, it takes everything in me not to scream at my husband and kids and walk out the door without a backward glance. When I look at our meager finances, our unfinished house, our too-fast-approaching desired departure date, I am tempted to despair. When I think of all the people I need to call, to see, to connect with, I am exhausted.

But the problem in all of this, whether good days or bad, is that I'm looking at me.

  

I am not the center of the universe. I cannot scoop up the ocean in my hands, nor measure the sky between my thumb and little finger. I did not make the stars or am able to call each one by name. I have no control even over the next breath that I take, much less the order of my day or the tasks I can complete. And I certainly cannot take credit for bringing people onto our support team or successfully sending us to NYC.

No, instead, I have to look to Jesus. For he is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. By him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. Jesus is before all things, and in him all things hold together.  

All things, like my family. My calendar. My hopes and plans. My fears and disappointments. My life, my to-do list, my finances, my house, my relationships.  

My life isn't about me, nor is it about how well or how much I achieve. For Christ has already accomplished everything on my behalf! The truth is, I do a terrible job at "holding it all together". So today, every day, I turn to him. He is God after all.

So, have I let you down lately?

   

Restful Work (or, Working While At Rest)

All good Christians know the biblical truth that Jesus serves us so that we can serve others. He is called our Sabbath rest. But most of us struggle to work that out tangibly - what does it actually look and feel like to have Jesus serve me?

When Jesus walked the earth, he gathered a group of 12 guys around him to learn from and serve like him. At one point, he gave them authority over demons and sent them out to all the surrounding towns. He told them that they should take nothing but a staff for their journey —no food, no carry-on bag, no money, no extra change of clothes. And they were to depend on the hospitality of strangers for a place to sleep each night. So these guys are out preaching some pretty tough stuff, casting out demons, healing the sick - and hoping that someone else is going to feed, clothe, and house them day after day. I’m guessing this took some faith and more than a little hard work.

They come back from their travels and gather around Jesus to tell him all their stories. And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while.” Rest! YES! Exactly what they needed, right? They’ve been walking alot, working alot, and surrounded by so many people that they didn’t even have time to eat. Getting away with Jesus, by themselves, to a secluded place, so that they could REST - sounds perfect.

So they got in a boat and headed to a private little spot.

But crowds of people - in fact, at least 5,000 people - saw them trying to get away, RAN ahead of them, and got to their supposed-to-be-secluded place first.

At this point, I’d guess these 12 guys were feeling a little miffed. They might have been thinking, “People, I’ve just spent days (weeks?) out on the road. I’m hungry. I’m tired. I need a break. It’s my turn to hang out with Jesus. GO AWAY.”  They’re not saying this out loud, of course, but inside, they’re hoping that Jesus has some kind of get-away plan.

But instead, when Jesus sees the large crowd, he feels compassion for them and he begins to teach them. Not only that, he teaches them all day long.

ALL DAY LONG. What is up, Jesus?!? You just invited your guys, your tired, travel-weary inner-circle, to get away ALONE WITH YOU so that they could rest. And THIS - THIS? - is how you give rest to them? I have to believe at least some of the disciples were introverts - so they’re especially ticked off by this turn of events. Finally, though, when evening comes, the guys find an appropriate way to get rid of the crowd. They mention to Jesus that it’s getting late and that they’re a ways out from town, so it’s probably time to send people home in order to buy themselves some food.

But he answered them, “You give them something to eat!” (emphasis mine)

Whoa -- wait a minute. Not only did we not get rest, not only have we had to put up with 5,000 people all day long, but now you expect us, in the middle of the desert, to FEED THESE FREAKING PEOPLE?!? That would cost, like, more than $10,000*, not to mention the fact that there’s no freaking fast-food joints around here. You have got to be kidding, Jesus.

And he said to them, “How many loaves do you have? Go look!” And when they found out, they said, “Five, and two fish.” And he commanded them all to sit down by groups on the green grass. They sat down in groups of hundreds and of fifties. And he took the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up toward heaven, he blessed the food and broke the loaves and he kept giving them to the disciples to set before them; and he divided up the two fish among them all. They all ate and were satisfied,  and they picked up twelve full baskets of the broken pieces, and also of the fish.

Did you catch what’s happening here? Do you see what it means to rest in Jesus and to let him serve you?

The last thing these 12 guys wanted was to be around more people. Yet, Jesus invites them to do just that, and not only that, but also to serve the people (did you notice that he has the disciples hand out the food? think about how long it would take to distribute individual pieces of bread and fish to a crowd of 5,000). Rather than being alone and resting, these men were crowded and put to work. So was Jesus lying when he said, “come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest awhile”?

What does “rest” look like to Jesus? What did he give the disciples?

• Well, they got to sit and spend an entire day listening to the Master Teacher, who provides words of life (spiritual food).

• Second, they witnessed a miracle. Re-read how the food was multiplied. The people are sitting, spread out, across the desert. Jesus breaks the bread and hands it to his disciples, who pass it out. The disciples are the ones closest to Jesus, who witness this meager amount of food increasing and increasing and increasing until everyone is fed to the point of satisfaction (more than one helping?) AND there are TWELVE baskets left over.

• Who do you think took home the leftovers? (not to mention the fact that they were also fed in the first place - their physical hunger was satisfied)

• Additionally, who do you think was thanked for this miracle? To the people, who is providing their food?

If you ask me, the disciples received a whole lot more than they were asked to give; and what they did give was completely provided by Jesus. HE was the one working in this situation, yet THEY received all the benefits. But their tired, ungrateful hearts did not understand what was happening and they left this experience bitter about not getting what they expected. I know this because, later that night, the bible records that they had not gained any insight from the incident of the loaves, but their heart was hardened.

You will burn out in ministry if, like the disciples, you demand that Jesus meet your expectations rather than sit at his feet and receive from him. You will burn out from serving others if you don’t first eat what God provides and give only that which you have been given. Restful work can only happen if your eyes are on Jesus rather than yourself and if your heart is fully satisfied in him rather than the circumstances around you. 

I pray that we approach God needy and hungry so that we can be filled up by his Spirit alone!

* A denarii is approximately one day’s wages. The current minimum wage in Minnesota is $7.25/hr so a 7 hour day would yield $50.75 x 200 days of work = $10,150.

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Series...

After 8 days out of state and now on my 4th day of sickness, I haven't exactly prioritized writing. I do have some more thoughts on ministry burnout, but I thought I should rekindle the blog fire with a second addition to my What's In My ______? series.

Last time, I opened up my freezer to you. Today, I'm getting a little more personal by sharing What's In My Bathroom Cabinet.

{allow me to brag on my talented husband for a moment, who personally remodeled our entire bathroom, including hanging the sheet rock, painting, then choosing and installing this cabinet and sink - and the beautiful tile on the floor}

As I went through this usually private space, I realized that sharing the contents of my bathroom storage may provide a little extra insight into our family. Although, not many people keep two placentas in their freezer, so perhaps we've already crossed the line, eh?

Without further ado, then, let's spill the beans!

What's in my bathroom cabinet? as of 05/27/13
Make-up bag
Skincare bag
(empty) travel bag
Hair dryer
3 boxes of bandaids
Hydrogen peroxide
Half used bottle of hand soap
Bubble bath
Claire's ear care solution (which is basically alcohol)
Antacid tablets
Trimin
Gold Bond body powder
Athlete's foot powder spray
2 toilet paper rolls
Hyland's cough'n'cold 4 kids
Malibu Heat body lotion
Nail file
Neosporin first aid antibiotic ointment (a miracle cream, in my opinion)
Burberry cologne
Round brush
Q-tips
Condoms
Evening primrose oil
Extra faucet nozzel
Box of bobby pins
Empty pill case
Benadryl itch relief stick
Stain pen for the cabinet (to cover up scratches)
Hair clips
Extra sink handle
Extra razor blades
Whipped Shea Butter Sugar Scrub (made by my awesome midwife!)
2 empty plastic retail bags (to be used when I empty the trash can)
2 extra Speed Sticks
Electric razor (beard trimmer)

I have to be honest, I feel a little more prepared than I did before I reviewed my cabinet contents. And - bonus! - I organized the darn thing so I can actually get to all this useful stuff.

What am I missing? What necessary items should be in my bathroom?
What's the most unusual object in your bathroom cabinet?

Whose Church Is It?

I believe the quickest way to burnout in ministry is by making it about yourself instead of about God.

It may seem counterintuitive that a church leader would somehow be serving her own interests, rather than following God’s, but the slippery slope to self-adoration begins in seemingly justified thoughts. People in the church face problems 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and they expect their leaders to be available to help in their times of need. After repeated seasons of not being home for dinner, missing Suzy’s piano recital, and canceling family plans at the last minute, ministers can easily (and understandably) begin to keep track of “What I’m Giving Up” in order to serve the church. The longer the list gets, the more the leader starts to believe that her sacrifices are necessary to keep the church going. Unknowingly, she piles burdens upon herself, concerned that the ministry will fail without her attention to every marital dispute, volunteer crisis, or choice of paint color for the new classroom.

The companion thought to “What I’m Giving Up” is “I Do More Than ________”. Ministry leaders often allow themselves to quantify how much or how often they serve in comparison to the efforts of others in the church, which invites the temptation to grow bitter at what appears to be a greater commitment on their part. This thought process can soon be followed by “When Do I Get A Break?” and “How Am I Being Served?”.

The foundation for these beliefs centers on the fact that Jesus served unto death and so now his followers, especially church leaders, must do likewise. Jesus gave his life for the church; we are called to do the same.

The difference, though, is that the only person the church needs is Jesus. His sacrifice actually accomplished something for us (our salvation) and his service continues to work out our sanctification. Pastors, elders, and ministry leaders serve like Jesus but not in place of him. Not one good work of the church depends on the sacrifices of its leaders. The church’s success is not a result of our ability, faithfulness, or middle-of-the-night attentiveness. God doesn’t need us to build his church and the church doesn’t need us to save her.

I am not advocating, of course, that leaders be lazy, selfish, or neglectful of their responsibilities. But I am encouraging us to continually evaluate the very fine line between serving because I must rather than because I can.

Christians are in danger of making ministry about themselves, rather than God, when:

• they are unable to say “no” to church activities

• they serve out of a sense of guilt - “I don’t want to let the church down”; a sense of worry - “if I don’t do this, what will happen?”; or a sense of self-idolatry - “I’m the only one who can do this”
• they no longer see or experience God at work but, instead, feel the weight of doing all the work
• they have repeated thoughts of bitterness, criticism, or resentment towards others in the church

If you recognize any of these circumstances in your life - STOP! TURN AROUND! RUN TO JESUS! You may be in danger of burnout so stop, drop, and roll. Just say no!

And, pray for your leaders. 

Pray that those who serve you will always be motivated by Christ, rather than their own flesh. 

Pray that they will be able to distinguish between what is necessary and what drains their time. 

Pray that they will find rest in Jesus and that the church will not be a burden to them! 

Come alongside your leaders by serving in the church - if every part of the body fulfilled its role, how beautiful and sanctified she would be. 

How do you see the grace of Christ in your ministry? How are you tempted to make it about yourself rather than him?

Feel the Burn...Or Not

Most of us want to be successful at our jobs, whether we’re stay-at-home moms or high-paid executives. And regardless of how you define “success”, if you’re looking for it, you’re usually willing to sacrifice for it.

Yet, true success eludes most of us, because we always have the sense that we could do more or be more or give more. The satisfaction we anticipated feeling once we reached the pinnacle of our career simply never came (or faded quickly). This leads to feelings of guilt or inadequacy, which pushes us to try harder and sacrifice more to “get there.”

Sadly, this is often most true in the church, where, instead of experiencing freedom from the burden to “perform well”, ministry leaders (and, as a result, church members) immerse themselves in church commitments and serve until they burnout. The subsequent aftermath of this overworked, under-appreciated service too often leads to affairs, bitterness, and a complete break from the church. If the Christian has not also lost her faith, she will spend a significant portion of time (perhaps years) healing from the weight that she had carried and holding back from her next community of believers.

I consider myself having been in ministry since the day I gave my life to Jesus, almost 14 years ago. In our 12.5 years of marriage, my husband and I have served in nearly every church program possible, taught classes and led small groups, been on staff at a church, have started a church, and are about to start another church. Outside of going on vacations 1-3 times a year, we have never had a Sunday “off”, and have regularly spent up to 7 hours in a church building on many a Sunday. In many of those years, this was in addition to non-ministry jobs and commitments.

I admit that, in the span of a life, this is really no time at all. Yet, I still think it worthy to note that we have never once felt even close to burnout.

I praise God for this! And I reflect on why this is our situation, so that we can prevent burnout from ever entering our ministry. I also want to encourage those of you who are leading or participating in the work of the church to invite the Holy Spirit to reveal if you are headed towards burnout.  

Later this week will begin a 4-part series on the matter of ministry burnout, including thoughts from a great mentor and longtime pastor/leader. My prayer is that we reflect on our work in the church and trust Jesus all the more to sustain us in it. 

What questions do you have as you think about guarding yourself from burnout?

What experiences have you had feeling stretched too far in ministry? What advice can you give others? 

Help Wanted

In case you missed it, I HATE shopping.
[see with what large letters I write the word 'hate'? this is so all shall know how much I despise shopping]

I used to think that this feeling of disgust was a result of not wanting to spend money but I'm starting to believe that it's actually the result of PARALYZING FEAR.

Hi, my name is Nicole and I'm afraid to shop. 

I am afraid of purchasing the 'wrong' thing.
I am afraid that my purchase will go to waste (i.e., neither be used nor useful).
I am afraid that I will hate my purchase an hour later.
I am afraid that I will find a better deal or have a better idea of what I want the next day.

These fears are real when I am grocery shopping, gift shopping, personal shopping, at overpriced stores and thrift stores - basically any time I set foot in any kind of store where I am expected to pay money in exchange for some item. Because of this, I shop as infrequently as absolutely possible, which means I usually only buy food (a necessity) and avoid all other purchases. Which is a problem because I have been wanting, for almost 2 years now, to rework my wardrobe.

Yes, I want a wardrobe makeover!

I'm supposed to be an artist. But I pay no attention to what I wear and I have no idea how to put on make-up so that my face actually looks good. I am uncomfortable in most of my clothes. I don't have enough color in my life!

I need help! 

Aside from therapy about my fear of shopping, I need someone to MAKE ME OVER. A real makeover that will help me learn how to shop better for myself and then look better as myself. I am looking for an experienced shopper with an artistic eye who can help me find my style without breaking my currently non-existent clothing budget. I am also interested in reducing the number of items in my closet - what is the absolute minimum amount of clothing I can own? How can I be comfortable, fun, attractive, and cheap? Can I actually learn how to do my own make-up? Can you help me?!?

Are you up for the challenge? Got any ideas? What's it going to cost me?